We've been doing 'use your words', with some success, and also some deep breathing and counting to 10, but I've recently hit on something else.
Here's what I said to SP:
- the Bible says it's OK to be angry, but it's not OK to sin (say 'no' to God / do the wrong thing) when you're angry.
- when he hits and kicks, he's letting his anger come out through his arms and legs. When he screams, he's letting it come out through his voice. These things are not OK.
- it's better to let his anger come out through his breath. Nice slow deep breaths to gather up the anger and let it out.
I saw him use this without prompting this evening (yay!) and he looked a bit like a woman in TV labour, but it worked :)
And I've realised in writing this post that I left the God bit out of the solution. I'll be having another chat and add in 'tell God what you're angry about and ask him to help you' and 'the Holy Spirit is working in you and helping you not to be angry.' Sometimes, blogging is very useful.