But I'm also thankful that God only shows us life one moment at a time.
A month ago today, I went to Bible Study already feeling tired, wrung out and not-quite-coping, then to what was expected to be a routine scan. If I had been able to see even a few minutes in front of me... well, I'm not quite sure what would have happened, but me falling in a heap probably would have been a large part of it.
As I think back to those first hours after the scan, I thank God that my own understanding of the struggles facing this baby came gradually. That God gave the doctors the words to say, and gave me time to process the implications, from the original 'this is more serious than it was with SP', through 'this is hugely serious and baby is very sick', right to 'it looks quite likely this baby won't survive.'
And although it's tempting to think that knowing yesterday's result a month ago would have been lovely, I know that God has taken me places in the last month that have grown my faith in Him immeasurably, and has given me so many opportunities to share bits of that faith with the people around me. Opportunities that wouldn't have come any other way.
So as the rollercoaster ride continues, I have no desire to know the future. God does, and He'll give it to us as He always has, just one moment at a time.